Clean Up on Aisle 4!

In Doing The Deed by Holly Walker

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Okay. This deed just felt stupid.


I spent time Sunday night clipping coupons. It’s funny how many coupons there are in a Sunday paper and yet not one of them was for anything I needed. I’m hoping someone else might need them.

Taping up coupons was not nearly the glamorous, gratifying deed I thought it would be. I felt dumb on the inside. Fortunately on the outside, I just looked like a customer searching for products.

Down the aisles Cher kept singing, “Do You Believe In Life After Love?” Yes, Cher, I do. I’m living that life right now. It’s driving me to tape coupons to Metamucil bottles.

Very few people look at each other in grocery stores. Everyone’s in their own little world. Only one customer noticed what I was doing. I taped a coupon right in his line of vision. He cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. If he could have drooped one ear down he would have, and I’m pretty sure he was moments away from making the Scooby Doo “Huhm?” sound.

I’m also pretty sure I was being followed around the store. After a lifetime of encountering that societal malady, it’s easy to detect. I hope some employee discovers all the ‘money’ I left around the store and gets his tiny mind blown.

Billy Joel sang “In the Middle of the Night” while I was in the middle of the store. I had to giggle at the absurdity of taping up coupons. Charmin toilet paper, Brawny paper towels, Hefty Cinch Saks, Oral B Super Glide Dental Floss. Two people looked for products directly where I was standing. I found myself hoping their kid had a headache and they needed my Children’s Advil coupon, but they didn’t.

Will anyone find and use my coupons or will the re-stockers discover them and take them all down? Was this exercise for naught? Does it matter? Is putting good will into the world still a good thing?

One interesting thing happened. For the first time a store worker came to me with a sample. A chef from the meat department brought me a sizable piece of fried tilapia. It was a part of their new “You buy it, we fry it!” program. It was delicious. If this is what good karma tastes like then I guess I’m okay with it.

All in all I probably spent 40 minutes taping up 25-30 coupons around the store. I thought it was going to be more spectacular, more heartwarming. It wasn’t. I guess I shouldn’t expect that much from a 50¢ off coupon for Pepto-Bismol.

Still, I may go back tomorrow and tape up the Axe deodorant stick coupon. It’s 2 whole dollars off.

Photo (Flickr CC) by Chris Potter

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Holly Walker

Holly Walker

Ms. Walker made her acting debut at the tender age of 8 in For Spring is the Season of Happiness. She almost turned down the role of Mother Nature (she wanted the role of "Spring") until she found out Mother Nature had the most lines. On that day, a diva was born. Holly has traveled the world performing comedy. She has been to more than 40 U.S. states and over 30 countries worldwide. She is an alum of the improvisational companies Boom Chicago and The Second City. Holly currently works on The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore as a writer and performer. She has been a part of the Rebel Storytellers family since 2009 and hopes to be with them for many years to come.
Holly Walker

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