I just watched Robert Reich in Inequality for All. Yes, yes, I know. I’m a couple years late to the party; get off my back. Part of me is a sucker for anything injustice related. I love documentaries about injustice, books about injustice, songs about injustice, and so on. Just to be clear, though, I despise the actual act of injustice (lest you thought I was some sort of injustice sadist). I actually consider myself a generous person. And I happen to be married to the most generous person I have ever met. So, monetary injustice strikes a chord with me, and so did this movie. However, as I watched the super rich explaining how they take advantage of tax loopholes and off-shore investing, my mind couldn’t help but wander. What would I do with all that money?
I would pay someone to loofah me. Sure I can loofah myself, but why would I?
I would eat a whole sampler platter of Cheesecake Factory cheesecakes and then have someone jiggle my fat FOR ME until it melted away.
I would only fly First Class and buy the seat next to me. I’m not much of a talker on flights. Plus where would my new Bichon Frise sit?
I would buy a brand new loofah. For the above loofahing.
I would hire the band Enya to sit next to my bed and sing me to sleep. Is Enya still a thing??
I would hire Michael Flatley to teach me to dance. Is Michael Flatley still a thing??
One word: Bidet.
I would rent out IKEA for several hours just to walk through without having to sidestep tantrum kids or oblivious pathway hogs.
I would find the perfect loofah containing an ultra-rough exfoliating side and extra smooth caressing side. And buy the whole lot.
I would hire out my own selfies. My arm gets tired.
I would fill a swimming pool with liquid peanut butter. And I would lay out using chocolate sauce as lotion. The SPF of chocolate has got to be high. And when I swim it’s nothing short of delicious.
I would buy Richard Pryor and have him delivered in a box. Then I’d open the box and let him go. Cause that crap was ridiculous.
I would host loofah parties. BYOL
Photo (Flickr CC) by bluecolt