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This is the third installment in a six-part series by Dr. Jeffery Baker. You can start from the beginning and read all six parts by visiting Dr. Baker’s Rebel Storytellers page.
For those of you following along, this is my third letter. If you are just now jumping in, you could benefit from reading the other two writings and doing the included exercises: Getting Unstuck | Putting Feet on your Heart
Being aware of your value compass and now attempting value-directed behavior will quickly lead you to experience several obstacles. These three obstacles are: (1) being shackled to and led by our emotions and/or thoughts, (2) avoiding and fearing discomfort, and (3) being ruled by unrealistic goals. Today, I would like to address the issue of being so attached to your thoughts and feelings that they drive the bus instead of your values. If you could be your own observer to your own experience of when you practice a signature strength you could notice how your own thoughts and/or feelings show up and distract, derail, or even oppose your actions.
What’s up with that?! Well, I believe we have brains that cannot always be trusted. Some would say it is a product of the Adamic curse, others might say it is the cave man’s brain hijacking the executive center of the brain. I opine that part of the problem is simply how the brain learns, what it knows, and how the primitive part of the brain I will call the “reptilian brain” is reacting to a threat. I call it such because it is designed exactly like the brain of any reptile.
The reptilian brain, which is everything below your ears, is there to protect us. It protects you from death, failure, and rejection, which are all the same thing to this region. This reptilian brain cannot distinguish one threat from the other. It only understands threat and the value we place on a value-directed behavior. The more important a behavior is to us, the bigger the risk of failure or rejection. This cognitive process is the seat of our ongoing evaluative and judgmental thoughts. So an interesting phenomenon occurs when we are readying ourselves to do something really important. When we risk rejection or failure, our reptilian brain shows up to create feelings and thoughts to have us avoid danger and keep us safe from such death defying risk. Remember, rejection and failure are the same as death to this area of the brain. Sometimes the experience is like listening to the “monkey chatter” of a group of hyper teenagers.
The reptilian brain is just doing its job, which in part you trained it to do by your life experiences of what is a risk to you and what hurt you in the past. What we commonly do next is wrestle with those thoughts and feelings, which then makes them stronger and more intense because the attention we give them is a reinforcer. So in the most simple of terms, when you pursue to act on your signature strengths, you take a big risk to either fail or be rejected, and in that moment you awaken the reptilian brain whose job it is to protect us from such a threat. So what you experience in the very next nanosecond are negative feelings, often in some form of anxiety, and with correlating negative thoughts, images, or memories.
It’s no wonder that people battle to live lives of vitality and meaning. I am reminded of Oliver Hazard Perry’s famous dispatch, “We have met the enemy and he is us.” Add to the fact the habitual nature of this occurrence, it makes it almost intractable and we are seemingly trapped by our own design. So this dormant habituation is activated by the anticipation of risk that triggers our negative thoughts and feelings. We then focus our attention on them until they grow strong enough until we avoid acting on our values and therefore have reduced our anxiety and created a reinforced habitual process. We have taught our reptilian brain to protect us from the threat of risk related to acting on our signature strengths.
The exercise for this week is to act out a signature strength in a way takes a significant risk and pay attention to what shows up to distract, derail, or even oppose your actions. What did you tell yourself or what memory or image appeared? What feeling showed up? Observe your reptilian brain in action using your own history or fantasies against you to keep you from risk. Write out your objective observations of your experience without evaluating them.
We often do not even realize the autopilot process and the silent assumptions that keep us from venturing into the world of risk to act on our strengths. If you are willing to open yourself up to live a more robust existence, then do not fear young grasshopper, for the path to thrive is possible. I will share the skills and exercises needed to unhook yourself from your autopilot roadblocks in my next article.
Photo (Flickr CC) by Thomas Gravenell
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Dr. Jeffery Baker
Latest posts by Dr. Jeffery Baker (see all)
- Free To Be Me: Part II - May 8, 2015
- I Pity the Fool Who Procrastinates - April 22, 2015
- Free to Be Me - January 14, 2015
- The Best Gift I Was Given - December 12, 2014
- Goals Set on Fire - November 24, 2014