This past year I really learned what it means to feel fear and ride the wave of the feelings rather than fight them. I became more curious about where the waves would take me rather than making them subside. (The latter drains a lot of energy)
We picked up and moved our lives to another town. We stepped more fully into business ownership and trusting the wild ride of:
Don’t know if you have ever been there, but it brings up a lot of primal fear.
It reminds me of a time I was on a diving tower. Yes, we are talking “Olympic Diving” kind of tower. Don’t even ask how I got there. I was on the second level looking down and thinking “oh s#$?.” And of course, a cute boy is witnessing the whole thing. I was looking down at the little square that at ground level looked like a pool. I had to muster all the courage and foolishness I could to take that next step.
And I did.
And I seriously got the HUGEST weggie ever.
And I had to get out of the pool whilst trying to look completely unaffected by the trauma that just occurred so the boy would think I was cool. (Yeah that didn’t work.)
And I lived.
I did something that everything in my survival brain told me not to, while my intuition said the opposite.
Making dreams a reality sometimes mean going for it before you feel comfortable or ready.
What I learned to do this year was to put my courage skin on, feel the fear and move forward anyways. And it’s not to say that the “ugly cry” never happened. Oh…it did.
I had to hear all the stories my Ego told me about how I can’t function unless I’m in control and look at how everyone else has it all figured out. (chuckle chuckle)
This year, rather than give into this voice, I actually became a much more compassionate observer of the stories. And wait a minute, I began to detect a theme! These fear narratives weren’t about the move. They had actually had been recycling again and again in various forms since I was a kid.
What would happen if I began to see that these were simply stories? What if I realized that my Ego was quite the master storyteller. And, it was and always will be trying to “protect” me from perceived harm.
What if I let the stories roll and just keep Truckin? (That ones for you Mr. Garcia)
So that is what 38 was about. Feeling the fear and taking the leap anyways.
Learning to remain in the moment. Looking for God’s surprises in the now and trusting outcomes.
I agree with author Danaan Parry that, “With all the fear that can accompany transitions, they are still the most vibrant, growth-filled and passionate moments in our lives.”
What invitation is on your life that you may be avoiding out of fear?
What would you do if you couldn’t fail and were guaranteed success?
Heres to unfurling those wobbly wings and learning to fly! And maybe getting a few weggies along the way.
Photo (Flickr CC) by Victor Valore